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Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Let's Get Physical

I've been remiss to have blogged about everything in baby-obtaining news but not to have described exactly, in excruciating detail, what the pain since my last uterine surgery feels like.  You're just dying to know, right?  So here we go, medication side effects and all.

I think this new medicine, amitriptyline, is helping my pain.  Hold your congratulations until it stands the test of time; I might have jinxed it.  The downside of this med is that it's also making me super drowsy.  I almost didn't make it through a meeting this morning without nodding off.  Not good.

Although I think the medicine is helping some, I still have my moments.  Like right now.  The pain is burning on the surface of my skin on my entire abdomen, from under my ribs downward.  I hadn't experienced burning pain (other than heartburn) before the surgery in March; if you haven't, count yourself lucky.  It's pretty awful.  Sometimes the burning pain radiates up through my chest and pulsates down my arms.  Awesome.

The pain is also unique in that it sometimes feels like hunger.  I'm very well fed these days, thanks to Lyrica making me eat everything in sight, so I don't think I'm actually hungry.  But whenever the burning under my ribs mimics bad hunger, I'll do anything to make it go away.  So I tend to eat, which is not really helping the whole expanding waistline issue.

I'm not a fan of the whole "abdomen on fire" feeling, but I'm afraid to take anything else this afternoon.  Something is making me nauseated and possibly something else is making me drowsy, and I don't want to throw another pill into the mix.  This sucks.  I have another post half-written about gloomy thoughts that come to me when the pain is bad, but that will be a post for another day.

My therapist mentioned at our last appointment that I need to find things to focus on other than the pain.  I quickly let her know that I do this all the time.  Sometimes I get so distracted that I forget why I'm suddenly irate at my husband for forgetting to take out the trash.  Then I check in with the pain and it's bad.  Oh...right.  That's why Mean Wife came out.

I do have some positive news, though.  I have been working out.  For real.  I mean, not any crazy long workouts or anything, but I'm sitting on my bike trainer for 10 minutes per day and actually doing a little pedalling.  I even did a tiny bit of yoga yesterday and my legs are sore today.  Loving the sore muscles.  Have not felt that in a long, long time.

I have bits of other posts written up but can't seem to finish them.  I'm too sleepy.  All I can write about this afternoon is the sensation of pain, meds for pain, and med side effects.  Fascinating, I know.  Are you wondering why you read this far?  :)

And to continue with the litany of medical problems, I'm having a lot of trouble believing that the PT is working.  Yeah, the pain is a bit better now, but it never seems to correlate with how much or how little PT I'm doing.  I took a week or two off and couldn't tell any difference.  I want to think it's the reason I'm improving and that my nerves are learning how to be normal again, but I just can't.  One week until I see the new PT.

Seriously, the burning throughout my entire pelvic region can go away.  Please.

13 comments:

  1. I've never experienced prolonged pain and can't imagine what you must be going through. I'm so sorry that you're going through this.

    It's great that you've been able to get back into exercising, though. I hope things continue to improve.

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  2. This has to be beyond frustrating for you. I am glad you got moving a little bit as I hope this lifts your spirits a smidge...I am praying for you to get out of "pain hell".

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    1. Thanks, K. It is definitely Frustration Station around here. Moving is fun, though!

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  3. I'm so sorry you are feeling this bad. It's more than frustrating to have something that won't go away. I wish I could do something. I hope things get better for you soon hon.

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    1. Thanks, Alissa. I appreciate your support. :)

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  4. Hard to not focus on pain. If you master that, you get a Black Belt in Life.

    Kudos on the workouts!

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    1. Hee hee! I'm definitely moving up the ranks in my kicking-butt belts.

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  5. This sounds so frustrating. I'm really sorry that you're living with prolong pain and focusing now on management.

    I few years ago, I came upon some papers about mind/body connection with pain management. I was interested in the work for depression/anxiety, but the program was developed for those living with chronic pain. I recommend you look into the work by Jon Kabat-Zinn. http://www.umassmed.edu/Content.aspx?id=43102

    His work helped me survive graduate school and lead me to applying meditation to infertility (leading me also to Ali Domar). It may not make a difference, but it's worth a shot.

    Thinking of you. (((HUGS)))

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    1. Hey Cristy! I'm familiar with Kabat-Zinn. I've read some of his writing and listened to some of his audio programs. Definitely a fan.

      I meditated a lot last year and the year before, and it really helped me. My infertility group last year was a series of sessions modeled on Alice Domar, which strengthened my meditation practice. I really like Domar's book, too.

      I've been doing some meditation and mindfulness lately, but I'm struggling to make it a habit. I keep being put on meds that make me really drowsy, making meditation difficult. I fall asleep instantly. I'm aiming to make it part of my day again, though, in the long run.

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  6. I've been on Pamelor (amitriptyline) before. Whatever you do, do not go off of it cold turkey if it doesn't work for you. I did that and I ended up with seizures. Not fun. Yes it did help me but the side effects sucked!

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    1. That's awful! OMG. I will definitely taper slowly.

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  7. I cannot even imagine what dealing with that kind of pain is like. It gives me chills thinking about it. And then dealing with those side effects on top of everything! I'd be Mean Wife all the time. Thinking of you.

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