Friday, March 8, 2013

Of a Nursery, Recovery, and Anniversary

Much activity is taking place around the Detour household:  we are pursuing adoption!

I'm shocked that this is actually happening.  Since I last posted in early January, Mr. Detour abruptly announced one morning that he was ready.  The previous day, we'd met with a couple who successfully adopted through a popular website (plus an attorney), rather than an agency.  (They were so successful that they matched within 2 days of posting their profile.  The birthmom was 8 months along, so our friends were parents within 1 month of going live.)  The idea of independent adoption sat better with Mr. Detour than using an agency, and that led to his proclamation of being ready, I guess.  Whatever it was, Thank You, universe.  As you know, I've been ready!

We had our two home study visits in February and are now just waiting for our social worker to write up our biography.  We'll be approved by the end of this month.  So I'm obsessing about getting our profile written.  While I worry about time-critical concerns like that, Mr. Detour obsesses about the nursery.  Yes, we are decorating it now.  It is absolutely beautiful so far.  I will post pics when we're further along.

I'm firmly convinced that we will have our baby by the end of this year.  I refuse to allow thoughts of waiting beyond that.  That strategy—being recklessly optimistic— got me through infertility, so I'm going to continue with it.  We have several friends who have adopted within a few months, so who's to say it won't happen for us?  I won't think too much of our neighbors who waited 3 years.

Now for the pain update.  Not a whole lot to report, but things are definitely on the upswing.  It's about half and half:  around my period, for around 2 weeks, I feel really bad.  But not as bad as 6 months ago—the pain isn't constant.  I don't always wake up and go to sleep in pain.  The other 2 weeks of my cycle, not around my period, I feel...pretty good.  The pain reminds me that it's still around, waiting to strike, but it's not too bad. 

So you'd expect my pain, originating from whacked-out pelvic floor muscles, to be in my pelvis, right?  The worst pain now is actually in my head.  Crazy.  I don't fully understand it, but it has to do with pelvic nerves telling other nerves to freak out and before you know it, every nerve in my body is on fire.  So my head hurting—it's not like any headache I've ever experienced, and comes from the center of my body, like my core, right under my solar plexus.  It's almost like I can feel the pain coming up from the pelvic nerves to my brain.  And the pain isn't the burning type of neuropathic pain I'm used to, and I have no good words to describe it.  Definitely not aching.  Maybe dull but with a burning component.  There's just something about it that so different from non-neuropathic pain.

I can't remember if I've posted this before, but I'm allergic to TENS now.  The little sticky things that attach the electrodes make me break out in a rash.  Not good at all.  I have a history of problems with adhesives and thought I'd snuck around it, but sneaking only worked for so long.  So TENS is currently not part of my pain strategy.  It really sucks and increases my reliance on meds, but I have to focus on the good:  I'm getting better.

I'm no longer held hostage by pain.  I can run errands without hesitation, and I take walks three times a week.  About a mile or two each time!!  Shocking.  I've come really far.

That's where I am now.  Oh, and I have a big anniversary tomorrow.  The day of my surgery last year, THE surgery that started this whole mess.  I've felt really emotional about it, similar to other crappy anniversaries like miscarriages or due dates.  What if I hadn't had the surgery?  Well, duh.  I wouldn't be in pain now.  But there's no way I could have known.  Trying to come to terms with that decision.

So, Crappy Anniversary to me.  To celebrate, hubby and I are going to the beach for 5 days, leaving tomorrow morning.  Hopefully it will not be gloomy and cold there and we'll actually be able to get out some.  And if not, we'll have even more time to work on our profile and get it in decent shape.  It's hard to sell yourself...where do you start?  How do you sound sincere and not completely cheeseball?

I'm trying to keep up with the blogosphere but admit I've been a little lacking on that front.  Sorry for my absence and hope you're doing well!