I truly appreciate your concern, but yesterday's pain episode isn't out of left field for me. I haven't kept you completely up to date on the status of my pain because I'm bored with it. I want to talk about other stuff, do other things, and actually work. But I've never been close to being rid of the pain since my surgery 3 months ago. It just ebbs and flows.
Another reason I haven't wanted to talk about it is because I don't want to open the floodgates. That's why I may seem detached and unemotional when I talk about how I'm doing. If I really tell you, if I really let my guard down, I may start crying and not be able to stop. I've cried enough on my own and am not a huge fan of doing it in front of other people, especially at work.
Yes, my pain was severe yesterday and still is. But I don't think it's ER-worthy. In the past 3 months, I have had dozens of doctor's appointments to confirm that I'm not dying or criminally insane, and I don't think they would tell me anything different today.
I have a call into my pain doctor but the asshole clinic isn't calling me back. On the triage nurse's message, she says that they'll get back to you ASAP. If you leave multiple messages, it will delay their response. If you call after 3:00 pm, they won't respond until the next day. I called at 3:02 yesterday. They say prescription refills can take up to 48 hours. What do you bet they aren't including weekends as part of their estimate?
So I suppose I'm expected to either suck it up and deal with pain at 7 or 8, or go to the ER and wait hours to be seen by someone who can't offer me a better diagnosis. I'd rather suck it up. Call me crazy, but I don't really want to rack up more medical expenses for no reason, especially after the $1200 (after insurance) appointment at a psych clinic that determined I'm not a drug seeker.
I will be getting another opinion soon, this time by a surgeon at the clinic where I had my endometriosis surgery. No, there is no way I'm having laparoscopic surgery again, not after the past 3 months., but maybe this doctor will have a new idea for what's going on. Probably not, though. The physicians I've seen already are probably among the best in the state, if not the region, and I trust them.
I have an idea of what brought on this flare, but, no offense, I'd rather not share it with you, you being a coworker and all. There are some things I'd just rather not disclose about my lady parts. I do have a few boundaries.
As to the question of whether my pain is under control, well, it's complicated. It's been under control for the most part lately with the multiple non-narcotic prescriptions I take for it, but when you saw me crying uncontrollably, it was not under control. I have not yet figured out how to anticipate every new throw my condition will hurl at me.
So I'm sorry for not keeping you in the loop. Your support is amazing and the love so many people are directing my way is what's keeping me going.