Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Awkward Analogies with Dr. Third Opinion

I'll give you the deets later for my appointment with Dr. Third Opinion, but for now, here's a list of Things I Wish My Doctors Hadn't Said.  I'll start with Dr. Third Opinion's classic:

1.   Imagine that this room is your vagina.  Could you come up with an analogy that doesn't have us standing in my vagina?  It caught me so off guard that I couldn't remember which wall was my cervix.

2.   This exam will make you feel like you're peeing on the table.   Said to me before an abdominal CT scan.  At least they warned me.

3.  Is there any chance you could be pregnant?  This one is especially good when asked right before a D&C.  Um, yes, but with a dead baby?

4.  We don't know what's wrong with you.  Variations include "None of our patients have this much pain after surgery" and "I'd be happy to refer you to one of my colleagues."  Sometimes, this is followed by #5.

5.   One option is for you to go to the ER tonight. This one made me transition from mildly concerned to freaking the f*** out.

6.  We need to do surgery to see how messed up you are inside.  Listen, buddy.  Infertility has screwed with my body image enough without you adding "messed up" to my negative self-talk.  The doctor who said this a while back wanted to get my laparoscopy business.  He didn't get it.


A short update:  Pain sucks, but family visits mean that my food supply is solid.  I have a work trip on Thursday and I have to get up at 3 a.m. for my flight.  It is going to be a very rough day.  Will my coworker need to push me in a wheelchair through the airport?  Stay tuned.


  1. I am sorry you are in pain. I wish that it would just get better.

    Also, I am glad I wasn't drinking when I read #1. I would have spit my water all over my desk. That image is hysterical.

  2. Dr. Third Opinion is awesome!

  3. Oh dear. I can relate to a number of those. Good luck for the work trip.

  4. I am crying laughing at #1...Seriously that is good stuff. I may have to check back in later just to re-read that.

  5. Dude, you need to write a book about all this - too, too funny *and* relate-able!

  6. Wow... It must have felt very crowded suddenly in the "vagina room." That's hilarious! Thanks for sharing this list... A good laugh is always a good start to the day. I really hope your trip goes well and your pain doesn't flair up too badly.

  7. Good news: you haven't lost your sense of humor! ; )

  8. Another one I love is "wow, I've never seen anything like this before!" followed by the stream of doctors offering their opinion. The "vagina room" one is officially now my favorite, though.

    I'm still completely blown away that you're dealing with pain. And traveling!?!?!? Whoa. I hope the trip goes as smoothly as possible. Hugs and love, hon.

  9. Um, yeah, #5. Why do they always tell us #5! Why can't they just do something for us right then and there?