ICLW, Fourth Opinions, and Flowers

Hi ICLWers!  Welcome to my blog and thanks for visiting.  I'm 35, 3 years into TTC, 2 early miscarriages, and currently recovering from a uterine surgery.  Apparently I suck at recovering because I've been in nonstop pain for the past 3 months.

Because I like showing off my flowers, here's a pic of one of my hydrangeas. 

Lace cap hydrangea (I think)

My work trip sucked the life out of me yesterday.  Woke up at 3 a.m. to catch my flight, and came home at 3 p.m. and crashed.  Slept for 11 hours and it felt like heaven.  But I still don't feel right.

Predictably, my pain is horrible today.  I knew that walking around airports was bound to do me in, with all the stress walking is apparently putting on my stupid recovering pelvic floor muscles.  Feeling so hopeless about ever recovering.  What the hell am I doing wrong?  I do my PT religiously, I take the pain meds, I rest like crazy...

I need to call the new clinic where I'll seek a fourth opinion, but I am loathe to make any more doctor's appointments.  Loathe.  I do not want to start off in a new medical system, go through all of their screening interviews, paperwork, and office visits, just to end up in the same place.  I'm convinced the new clinic won't be able to help. 

At the same time, I know I desperately need a main provider who will coordinate my care.  Everyone (ie, my RE and I) thought my pain doc would be my core doc during this, but she's obviously not up to the role.  I think she's competent enough—not pelvic-specialized but still capable—but she does not seem to want to monitor me as much as I need.  She keeps setting my follow-ups every 6 weeks, when I know (and apparently am not communicating) that I need to see someone at least every 3 or 4 weeks.  I'm not sure what's going on, if I'm supposed to keep calling her to follow up sooner, or if she genuinely doesn't understand how badly I'm doing.  Major communication gap.

Update:  That was easy.  Called the fourth opinion clinic and they already have me set up for an appointment.  They've mailed me the notification.  Ok, people.  Would have been nice to know by phone, but whatever.  The appt is 7/23, which is sooner than I expected to get in.

*****

When my parents were visiting last week, my mom said that my great aunt had a premonition about when we'd have a baby <cue eye roll>.   She had a feeling we'd have a baby in August, and since this August is definitely out, it could be next August.  I told my mom that I don't buy into premonitions, hunches, or intuits about our future baby, and remember how my mom had had a feeling that we'd have a baby by Christmas?  That is, Christmas 2010?  And that I'd had a strong feeling I was pregnant about 569 times since we started trying, and I was wrong 567 of those times?  Stupid hunches.  They've gotten me nowhere.

*****

To end, here are some more flowers.  Thanks for stopping by, and I'm looking forward to reading more of your blogs!

Gardenia

Hydrangea (the more standard kind)