Thursday, November 17, 2011

Normal Baby, Abnormal Uterus

Normal female.  It's incredible how two little words can bring back the pain of my last loss in such a profound way.  I didn't just have a random procedure that resulted in spotting for weeks on end.  There was a little girl in there.

My D&C was September 9 and we received the karyotype results on the products of conception—normal female—a few weeks after that.  (I confess I hate the phrase "products of conception."  Maybe it's the medically correct term but it's so dehumanizing.)  With normal female results, the cells they tested could have been the mother's instead of the baby's, so they performed an additional test (microarray) for me to see if they could get more info.  Yesterday at an appointment, I found out that the microarray confirmed normal female, so that's what we have to go on right now.

Since the fetal chromosomes didn't provide an explanation for the miscarriage and it's my second loss, we decided to move forward with the standard repeated pregnancy loss blood panel.  It's a good thing I'm getting to be a pro at blood draws.  My vein is a champ, apparently.  The nurse yesterday complemented me on how easily she stuck it and filled 9 vials in record time.  Despite my crappy mood, I was proud of my vein.  My uterus may be inhospitable but my veins are spectacular.

In addition to bloodwork, I had a saline infusion sonogram, or 3D sono for those hip to the lingo.  My doctor had wanted to check out a small septum that comes down from the top of my uterus.  The septum was potentially an issue with my losses or could become an issue later in a pregnancy.  Two other doctors have told me that it's nothing to worry about, that removing it and risking the development of scar tissue isn't worth it.  My current doctor wants to take it out and I'm (somewhat grudgingly) putting my trust in her.  I don't know what else to do at this point.

Going into the 3D sono yesterday, I knew my doctor would likely recommend removing the septum.  What I'd conveniently forgotten is that I will have to take the Pill for a cycle beforehand.  Then there's Christmas, and it turned out the earliest surgery date I could get was 12/30.  Balls. 

Before yesterday, I'd seen my share of uterine issues:  septum, fibroids, and endometrial tissue that migrates out and gloms onto my intestines.  Yesterday I got to add a polyp to the list.  At least the polyp can be removed at the same time as the septum.

I had been dreading the pain of the SHG yesterday but it turned out to be a cinch.  Way worse than the physical pain was the emotional fallout.  It was so hard hearing my doctor say that since the baby was normal, we really need to examine the uterine environment.  It brings back all those post-miscarriage feelings of being betrayed by my body.  The baby was fine, actually beyond fine.  It was a little girl.  Knowing the sex really makes it hit home.  My baby girl was fine but somehow my body screwed up.  Maybe the baby implanted too close to the septum that I had plenty of time to remove before the pregnancy.  Maybe my bloodwork will show some other way my body is screwing up.  It's so hard to forgive your body for letting you down in such a big way.     


  1. The Saline Sonogram is weird. Well for me it was weird feeling. I have a retroverted uterus, tilted if you will. No big deal just annoying with any pap, or other speculum exam. Its good that they are going to remove that bit from your uterus. Sucks that its the end of the year though.

    I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

  2. I know how terrifying it is to have a normal result and wonder what the hell happened. Go for the tests and I pray there's something broken and fixable that's obvious. I know how jacked up that sounds, but it's true. So sorry that you have to have the surgery, too. I do have high hopes for all these next steps and to whatever new questions and answers arrive in the new year.

  3. Oh hun - I'm not sure if this is good news or bad. When I had my first miscarriage, the dr's just said "these things happen". I hope you find the answers you seek. Hopefully the surgery will at least give you peace so that when you try again, you don't have that in the back of your mind.

  4. I am so jealous of your veins. I can be a tough stick.

    But, I am so sorry that you have more procedures to endure. The only light at the end of the tunnel is that this may be the root of your losses. I'm hoping this is all you need to get your take home baby. I know you loved your little girl and her energy will come back to you with your successful, healthy pregnancy.

  5. "My uterus may be inhospitable but my veins are spectacular." - *I love it!

    I am going to take the sunny side of your sadness today - be so so so glad you have a doctor that is working so hard to find the root of your problem! I have read of so many women being run in circles by doctors who are too busy to delve into their particular troubles. I hope that you find answers soon!

  6. Rebecca--I'm tilted, too! In the uterine sense. Could we endo girls have any more issues?

    Mrs. Misfits--Yeah. I kinda hope they can find something wrong, too. Nothing yet except high prolactin, which they'll recheck soon.

    Amanda--That's exactly it. I need to check this off the list so that it's not in the back of my mind!

    HRF--Thank you. (hug) :)

    scrambled-eggs--You're right, I do have a wonderful doctor on my side. She's got it all: super intelligent and super empathetic. Love her!

  7. I am so sorry you are going through this, I hope that the results can offer some more understanding as you move forward.
    Wishing you a blessed Thanksgiving time, with lots of support from friends and family.

    ICLW #10

  8. I am so sorry about your loss. Hopefully the tests will be able to give you some more insight as to what the doctors can do to help you out. Glad you got through the SHG. I was expecting it to be a lot worse too.

    ICLW #12

  9. I'm so sorry that you're going through this, especially now. I hope that this is the magic fix ... though I also know that it's impossible NOT to second, or third-guess yourself once you've experienced loss. I hope that you can find it in you to be kind to yourself ... and know that there are so many people wishing that the new year will find you with a healthy babe in your arms.

  10. i'm so sorry for your loss. hopefully removing the septum will take care of the issue. *hugs*

  11. I totally hear you on that last paragraph. I feel so angry at myself and my body half the time because my twins were perfect. It was my body that failed. It is one of the worst feelings and I understand you completely.
    I am so sorry you are going through these kinds of losses. It seems that if we already have a hard enough time getting pregnant, we shouldn't also have to deal with pregnancy loss too.

    I'll be following you.