Welcome, November ICLWers! Here's a quickie version of my not-so-reproductive history: trying over 2 years, 2 miscarriages (1 recent), currently pursuing repeated pregnancy loss testing and a surgery to remove a uterine septum.
After a disappointing appointment with my reproductive endocrinologist last week, I gave my mom the status report: 6-week wait until surgery and some unknown amount of time to heal after that. My mom said hopefully, "Well, after the surgery, things should go fine." Translation: You'll get pregnant immediately, you won't miscarry, and you'll have a baby 9 months after that. Some people tell you things will be fine to brush you off, but I don't think that was her intention. I think she either actually feels optimistic or is trying to use the power of positive thinking on my reproductive organs. She had a similar hopeful reaction after my first miscarriage almost 2 years ago, telling me she thought I'd have a baby by Christmas. Of course, the timing would have been impossible unless I'd gotten pregnant immediately (ha!) and delivered early.
How do you feel about people telling you that surely your next [vacation/surgery/IVF] is gonna result in a baby? I used to feel hopeful right along with them but admit I don't anymore. Miscarriage #2 destroyed my sense that everything's gonna be ok. During that pregnancy, I was sure it was finally my turn. I thought I'd reached my miscarriage quota, that I'd put in my time with infertility and loss. It turns out there isn't a limit to the number of miscarriages you can have. There's no cosmic fairness meter doling out infertility and loss evenly—it's just unfair. Optimism and a sense that it's your turn don't get you a baby.
On a more positive note, part of you has to believe the next cycle will be The One or you'll go out of your mind. I want to believe that removing my septum is the magic bullet—that I'll heal perfectly, get pregnant soon after, and meet my baby 9 months after that. I guess the difference between my mom and me is that I don't dare voice that optimism—it's too hard when it doesn't work out. It seems naive to say "things should go fine" from this point forward. If it was as easy as saying and thinking that, they would have gone fine many, many months ago.