You see them everywhere: the young fertiles. It stings. Why them and not me? Recently, it got personal for me. I found out the kids I used to babysit are now having kids. How is that possible? Didn't time freeze when they were 10?
I recently discovered that a former babysitting client works in my husband's department. I grew up and babysat two states away and don't often run into people from that life. Small world.
My husband found out this kid is married and has a child, which is perfectly reasonable and expected given that he's in his late 20's. It kinda blew my mind, though. I met (re-met?) him and his wife and new baby at a party at my husband's department and had my mind blown even more.
I'm supposed to have children before the kids I babysat have them, obviously. Sure, life's not fair and everyone faces different battles, but it's so easy to get caught up in self pity sometimes. Something releases within me a bit when I admit to myself that it's just not fair, go cry in the bathroom at work, and move on.
I'm finding myself dwelling in pity-party land a lot lately, though. The holidays are tough and I'm angry that I have a surgery coming up soon—removal of a uterine septum and a polyp. Last New Year's, I was preparing for my laparoscopy. This New Year's will be one day after my septum/polyp resection and I'll probably be on painkillers instead of champagne.
We hope to be cleared to try again after I heal from the surgery. My repeated pregnancy loss panel came back normal, which my doctor said bodes well for us. I'm trying to feel good about that but secretly wishing we had a more definitive answer for our losses. If they'd found something treatable, something other than the septum that may or may not be a problem, we'd fix it and get our baby. I know in reality it's not that easy but the inconclusive diagnoses are so scary in their own way.
I'm happy to be taking part in my second ICLW. Welcome to my blog!