Friday, March 2, 2012

Walking Infertility Encyclopedia

I told my uber-fertile sister-in-law about how I'm taking testosterone to thin my lining for next week's procedure.  Although I'd also recently told her we were in a holding pattern of procedures that were not treatments, she said, "OOH!  It sounds like they'll be putting something like sperm up there!!"  Actually, soon-to-be mother of five, you'd hope to thicken your lining for that.  Not that she should know that, but why do I have to be a repository of all things reproductive endocrinology-related?  I forget that not everyone thinks about their FSH and AMA levels on a daily basis and yet they still manage to make babies.

Although I'm not on a quest to educate people about the female reproductive system, I keep getting the awkward opportunity to educate young guys about it, and not in a sexy "Here's an anatomy lesson, you young stud" kind of way.  Yesterday, the cashier at Whole Foods asked me what the B6 in my cart was for.  I muttered that I didn't know but he didn't look satisfied with that, so I said, "It's for...woman stuff.  Wouldn't be relevant to you!"  <awkward laugh>

Another time, I got frustrated (read:  extremely hormonal) when I couldn't find the basal body thermometers in the drugstore.  What if I missed taking my temperature the next day??  The horror.  The pharmacy employee, a guy in his early 20's, could not figure out why I'd want anything other than a fever thermometer.  I unsuccessfully tried to describe it using scientific terms until finally I blurted out, "YOU KNOW, FOR WHEN YOU'RE TRYING TO GET PREGNANT."  After thereby broadcasting my status to the nearby aisles, he finally understood and directed me to the ovulation/pregnancy test section.  (Well, duh.  Should have guessed.)

In other hormonal crazies news, I think testosterone is making me rage-y.  In the span of 10 minutes the other night, I managed to pick about 10 fights with my husband.  He looked like he didn't know what had happened.  Is this what it's like to be a man, to have this much testosterone coursing through your veins 24/7?  Thanks, but no thanks.  I'm also starving all the time and craving baked goods. The weight will come off after I stop taking testosterone, right?  The other main symptom I've noticed is that I'm having vivid dreams.  Last night, I had a nightmare that I had forgotten to fast before my procedure, which is a legitimate concern.  Eating breakfast right after I wake up is hardwired into my DNA. 

While my uterus is plodding along through various hormone treatments and procedures, the rest of my life is moving quickly.  I'm about to turn 35.  Where did the past year(s) go?  How did I become advanced maternal age?  We started trying when I was 32.

This week has moving crazy fast, too.  In a rare display of Detour family decisiveness, we bought a used Camry after only researching it for a few weeks.  Although it's is not the minivan we'd dreamed of having by this point, it's pretty great.   I have a strict "No Baby, No Minivan" policy, so we'll have to figure out some other way to transport lumber back from Home Depot.

You know the individually wrapped chocolates that have short sayings in the wrappers?  Sometimes the saying makes me feel optimistic.  Other times, it makes me very, very angry.  The wrapper I just opened says, "Feed your sense of anticipation."  Enter testosterone-boosted ANGER.  Oh yeah, chocolate wrapper?  I've been feeding my sense of anticipation for having a baby my whole life.  Tired of being on the anticipating side of things, ok? 


  1. Lol. I've had that same experience while buying vitamins, checkers are SO nosy!

    Hope the rage subsides! Been there!

    Also, yes, the time is going by so fast as an infertile, and yet I don't feel closer to my goal. I had the same rage towards my fortune cookie. Stupid cookie! Where's my baby? ;)

  2. 1. Happy Birthday (a tad early)
    2. I guess we don't have to worry about you abusing steroids huh? Rage just isn't your style :)

    Hang in there sweetie!

  3. Uhh, I guess this offers clues as to why teenage boys are the way they are, having testosterone flood your system for the first time is no picnic. Hang in there, hopefully, this part should be done soon!!

    One day, long after you are past all of this, when the necessity for it has past, maybe this knowledge will feel good/useful - knowing more is never a bad thing in itself.

  4. Ugh. The joy of hormones. Doesn't help that you're trying to be discrete and they push for an explanation. I'm getting to the point where after not getting the hint, my response starts with "well, since you're clearly so curious in my reproductive matters."

    Hang in there and wishing you a very happy birthday!

  5. Yay Hormones! And having to ask awkward questions of random store employees! Ugh, don't remind me of when I tried to find a basal body thermometer at Target, 3 clueless stockers later I almost ran from the place hiding my face. I have lots of bitter angry thoughts these days, do you think I can still blame it on the testosterone i was on 3 months ago? :)

  6. Hormone roller coasters bite! I hope that soon you'll be getting what we all want most. Good Luck!