I'm blaming it all on the hormones I'm taking. If they aren't to blame, who have I become?
I'm having trouble holding my tongue lately. I just blurt stuff out. Although this characteristic is sometimes seen as "just being honest" or "telling it like it is," it's not a quality I want to develop when the "honesty" is an expression of anger. Particularly, when that anger is expressed at work.
So when I'm forced to interact with coworkers who turn every conversation into one about their babies—how do they transition that quickly from the Super Bowl to babies?—I'm genuinely concerned that I'm going to blow my carefully maintained workplace cover as someone unconcerned about having kids. My irritation level is maxed out lately with supplemental progesterone and an upcoming treatment cycle, and I'm quickly losing the ability to coo for an appropriate amount of time over how cute their babies are.
The progesterone baddie in me yearns to educate them. To let them know how their constant baby talk feels to someone like me. To tell them that I don't really want to know that they're about to try for #2 because I'm sure they'll get pregnant again quickly, just like they did right after my first miscarriage, and at this point I'd rather be hit with surprise pregnancy announcements than spend months worrying about impending ones.
My secret seems to be safe so far. But once I start taking letrozole next month, watch out.
Note: I wrote this post last week and I'm pleased to report that my irritation level seems to be decreasing. I think.