Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Missing Filter

I'm blaming it all on the hormones I'm taking.  If they aren't to blame, who have I become?

I'm having trouble holding my tongue lately.  I just blurt stuff out.  Although this characteristic is sometimes seen as "just being honest" or "telling it like it is," it's not a quality I want to develop when the "honesty" is an expression of anger.  Particularly, when that anger is expressed at work.

So when I'm forced to interact with coworkers who turn every conversation into one about their babies—how do they transition that quickly from the Super Bowl to babies?—I'm genuinely concerned that I'm going to blow my carefully maintained workplace cover as someone unconcerned about having kids.  My irritation level is maxed out lately with supplemental progesterone and an upcoming treatment cycle, and I'm quickly losing the ability to coo for an appropriate amount of time over how cute their babies are. 

The progesterone baddie in me yearns to educate them.  To let them know how their constant baby talk feels to someone like me.  To tell them that I don't really want to know that they're about to try for #2 because I'm sure they'll get pregnant again quickly, just like they did right after my first miscarriage, and at this point I'd rather be hit with surprise pregnancy announcements than spend months worrying about impending ones.

My secret seems to be safe so far.  But once I start taking letrozole next month, watch out.

Note:  I wrote this post last week and I'm pleased to report that my irritation level seems to be decreasing.  I think. 


  1. Glad to hear your irritation level is decreasing! I would definitely be blaming the hormones if I were you. I always wonder how conversation gets twisted so quickly to babies. The superbowl to babies that is a good one!

    ICLW #18

  2. We are putting loads of outside hormones and drugs into our systems. It's completly understandable that you are feeling touchy. Especially about the baby talk at work - that is a kick in the lady bits.

  3. I always get a bit punchy and semi-crazy with the hormones. It is expected and perfectly allowed. :)

  4. This is where I take out my spork :) I have been really irritable too. Sending you big hugs.

  5. I keep winding up around people who start straight to the baby/pregnancy talk. I am pretty sure I gave the instructor of my weights class a dirty today when she started talking about her pregnant daughter.

  6. Ugh the horror-mones are so annoying. I can hardly stand me right now. I totally understand how you are feeling.

  7. LOL, wow, you sound just like me on progesterone. I manage to keep it together at work, but my department is overwhelmingly men. The only other woman trying to get pregnant is dealing with male factor infertility, so we are compatriots. Don't you wish there were an etiquette class out there for fertiles? Did Oprah never devote an episode to the trials of infertility??

    1. Totally wish there was an etiquette class. Some of my baby-obsessed coworkers are men so watch out for them. Doesn't mean you're safe!

  8. Girl, that is the worst! But I think you can blame alot of it on the hormones, not to mention the stress level!

    Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to "go off" on someone and "educate" them about our side of the fence, but I don't know how much good it would do! :)

    Hang in there... and don't strangle anyone!

  9. Wow! Glad to hear the irritation is going down, that can be so frustrating! It's like another person steps into the body sometimes with all these hormones.