Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Much-needed Update

Hi guys.  Happy new year to you all and I am trying to catch up on your blogs.  My absence was due to a very boring reason:  work.  For the past several months, I have worked like crazy and collapsed in front of the TV at night.  It's been a crappy, unhealthy cycle, and blogging has had to take a backseat.  The especially bummy part is that I'm not sure when work will slow down.

In addition to feeling blahsville about work, my Get a Baby plan is completely stalled.  I am 100% ready to begin adoption proceedings and my husband is not.  I can't make him be ready, and trying to talk to him about it more and more is veering into coercion territory.  I hate that we're in this position; it's a huge strain and I've never felt more at odds with him.  There is so much more to the story that I won't get into here, including his denial that I'm finished with trying for a bio baby.  Please tell me we aren't the only couple who goes through this when deciding to adopt.  I have heard that many couples go through this, but I can't rid myself of this feeling that we're the oddballs.  And that this will never happen for us.

The holidays have really stalled any progress we were making in the adoption direction because we've had so many trips and family visits.  A week with my parents at Thanksgiving, and now we're in the middle of 2.5 weeks of solid family time.  I KNOW.  It's a looong time. 

This month, I'm hoping to meet with three different adoptive couples (with the hubster present, of course, since he needs this more than I do), one of which used instead of an agency.  We're really intrigued by that and want to learn more.

The good news with me is that my pain is getting MUCH better.  I cannot believe the progress I've made in the past few months.  I'm actually getting teary just thinking about it.  I still have good weeks and bad weeks; I'm in the middle of a good one and I've practically been Mary Poppins singing and dancing my way around the house as I entertain my little nieces and nephews.  It's like I'm another person.  I don't really know who this person is, but I like her.

I feel like I have so much more to say, but can't quite put it into words.  I hope to be back here soon and better in touch with you guys.  I've been thinking of you often!


  1. I am so happy to hear that your pain is getting under control and you aren't suffering as badly.
    You are definitely not the only person who's husband is on a different page when it comes to adoption. Hoping that you two can come to a mutual decision on the future.

  2. You arent alone here with the husband that lives in fantasy land. Im in the middle of a chemical pregnancy, HCG zero but no period... He told me "watch, I bet we find out this stuff worked"... Uhhh WTF, do you know how this works??? No it didnt work.

    Im happy to hear your pain is diminishing. That is wonderful news. Thanks for the update.

  3. Just wanted to agree with everyone else and say you're not alone :) I always seem to be ready first. We even had to take our adoption profile down at one point because we were in such different places.

    I'm sorry for all that you've been through. I can relate to that heartbreak - just had my second surgery in the hopes of IVF only to end up in the hospital with blood clots and now everything is on hold.

    Wishing you lots of luck with your next steps....

  4. It is so wonderful to get an update and hear that your pain is under control! Hooray! I hope you and hubs find your way to the same page soon. I know how hard it is to be at odds...

  5. Happy to hear that your pain is more under control. Hoping that the adoption process gets easier the deeper you get into it.

  6. I'm so glad to see this post!

    To answer your question: absolutely. I've met many couples where one person is ready and the other isn't. A lot of it has to do with letting go of the dream of biological children. Counseling can help with getting you guys over the hump, but another thing to consider is talking with your doctors. Sometimes hearin from a medical professionals about life-changing conditions can help family members better understand/accept a situation.

    Speaking of pain, I'm beyond happy to hear you're feeling better!!! Hooray!!!!! Hope that each passin days leads to more healing and that you are pain free very soon.

    Much love and hoping work dies down soon

  7. I am so glad that the pain is better ... sending thoughts for continued healing! I wish the conversation about next steps were easier ... honestly, I think that every couple goes through this, because no couple can be on completely the same page at the same time. I hope that the meetings help, and that your husband is able to accept where you are soon, and find his own peace.

  8. I'm so glad the pain is more manageable right now. Here's to it going away completely! As far as the hubbie is concerned, we are all separate people on our own journeys... I'm betting all couples have these wild divergences in opinion and timing. Crossing my fingers for you.

  9. So glad to hear from you! It must be very difficult to be in such conflicting places with your husband, especially now that you are finally feeling better physically (hooray for that!) I really hope the meetings and maybe some counseling(?) help him see things differently and at least become willing to open up discussions again. I think I remember you saying he liked the idea of having more control in the process, so hopefully the parent site is the answer! As always, I'm thinking of you and hoping for some good progress soon. If there's anything I can do as far as answering any birthparent related questions, I'm still available anytime!

  10. There you are! I was hoping you'd return... so happy to hear that your pain is finally receding; it's amazing what an absence of pain can do for the spirit. I'm sadly at a loss for what advice to give you in terms of your hubby - letting go of a bio-child and embracing adoption is seriously difficult for some people, and a lot of men really only care about breeding rather than parenting (not that your husband is one of them, but you know what I mean). It's a big leap, but I'm SURE he'll come around.

  11. I didn't experience it with adoption but I did experience it when we were first deciding to TTC. He kept saying ok to make me happy and then month after month would change his mind. It was so frustrating. But once he was on board, it made me feel better to know we were on the same page. He'll come around.

  12. I love hearing that you're making progress on the pain front! Do you know what has been working for you? Is it just time? Whatever it is, I'm glad and I hope it continues. Happy New Year! I hope 2013 is a much better one for you.

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