Saturday, May 12, 2012

What's Another Month?

We've stalled again. 

I talked to my RE yesterday about the wisdom of having a 3D sono this Monday.  The concern is that it could inflame the nerves/tissues/muscles that are still causing pain.   My RE told me, not in so many words, that I was batshit crazy to be thinking of having the procedure this soon.  She very politely asked if she had misunderstood from our earlier conversations that we would wait until I felt completely better.  My only defense is that I scheduled the appointment weeks ago when I'd hoped to be 100% right now.  So cute that I had such ridiculous expectations! 

So I cancelled the appointment and we're out yet another month.  I'd been hoping to get the 3D sono out of the way so we could resume TTC in June, but now it's looking like July at the earliest.  SIGH. 

I'm both horribly frustrated and oddly apathetic.  A sense of complacency has set in, unexpected but not unwelcome, possibly related to the cocktail of drugs they have me taking.  I just can't seem to care about anything baby-related.  I tend to forget about babies and TTC until a child or preggo crosses my line of sight.  Weird, right?  When TTC used to consume every waking moment, crowding out all other thoughts required for normal adult functioning?

The pain continues to improve overall, although some days feel like setbacks.  I tried to taper off of a pain medication a few days ago and had some pain return with a vengeance, so I don't think I'll try that again for a while.  I need to be off these meds before TTC again, though, so there's a big incentive to not rely on the meds and kick this pain to the curb soon. 

Walking is an issue.  I can amble around the grocery store pretty easily, but trying to take a very slow walk for exercise triggers the pain.  We're talking about a quarter of a mile, not extreme hiking or anything.  Apparently trying to clean our floors this afternoon wasn't such a good idea, either.  I have a long list of things to do this weekend that involve being active—planting tomatoes, shopping for work clothes, giving our dog her summer haircut—but those are on hold for the rest of the afternoon.

The complete lack of exercise is showing.  My pants and underwear are super tight and my butt is succumbing to gravity.  However, I stepped on the scale this week and I've actually LOST 5 pounds.  It's totally the "muscle weighs more than fat" thing, with fat winning out lately.  Even my boobs are bigger, which just isn't normal when you've lost weight.  I told my husband I'm sending all my fat there.

Huge congratulations to all the bloggers recently getting BFPs, including Her Royal Fabulousness, Lanie, Unaffected, Miss Conception, Belle, Sass, Mrs. Green Grass, and Sunnyside Up.  Please forgive me if I forgot someone.  Pregnancy after loss and infertility is a roller coaster and I hope you get your fears allayed, little by little, by great betas and ultrasounds.  I'm so excited for you!


  1. Another delay? Ugh! I think I need to scream for you.

  2. Lady, I'm sorry. I know how frustrating it is to wait. I'm glad to hear that you're doing better with each passing day. May that continue to be the case so that next month nothing is holding you back.
    BTW: if the fat is going to go anywhere, at least it's to a spot that everyone can appreciate.

  3. I'm sorry for the delay :( But I totally understand feeling frustrated + apathetic about it. A similar thing happened to me after a LEEP procedure in 2010. All I wanted to do was get back at it, and it just didn't happen the way I planned. I also got the feeling that my doc thought I was batshit crazy for wanting to move forward with another cycle.

    I'm glad the pain is getting better, but it still sounds like it's there. I hope it goes away soon so you can resume normal everything!

    Thinking of you...

  4. Apathy can be a weird gift. I hope the pain goes away, like, today. If you can't do work stuff outside, at least lounge on the deck with an icy drink.

  5. Ugh. It's just one thing after another isn't it? This is so frustrating. I hope that you begin to feel better and better each day. You'll be off of pain meds and back at the doctor's before you know it. I have my fingers crossed for you.

    In the meantime, go easy on yourself. We all need a break sometimes. Take care!

  6. I'm sorry you are in a waiting pattern and are in pain. I wish we could change these things for each other. Hang in there friend. Your time will come.

  7. Waiting sucks. I hate it for you. So sorry you are having to put things off again because of effin pain! Hang in there... Oh, and give the finger to anyone who tells you to relax.