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Thursday, February 2, 2012

3D Sono and the Faulty Ute

I'm seriously thinking about trading in my uterus for a new one.  All of our problems in the 2.5 years of trying seem to come from my getting a generally crappy one.  There's its evil endometrial tissue that migrates into my pelvis and gloms onto other organs.  Scar tissue, souvenir of a D&C.  A subversive septum.  Possibly harmless (friendly) fibroid and, of course, a pesky polyp for good measure.  My ovaries aren't superstars but they're Meryl Streeps compared to my Kristen Stewart uterus (love ya, KStew, but hope Twilight wasn't your peak).

I had my post-op 3D saline infusion sonogram today and everything was not as I'd hoped.  I'd visualized a squirt of saline illuminating an almost flawless uterus, except for the resident thyroid and screwy arcuate shape to give it some character.  The doctor would high five me and she'd show her students images of my uterus as a success story.  "This woman had a REALLY messed-up uterus, but I fixed it and now she's had 10 children!"  Or two children, something like that.

Instead, 30 minutes of medieval torture, complete with two balloon and saline catheter sessions, yielded inconclusive results.  A fuzzy spot near my left tube wouldn't infuse properly.  Well, shit.  It could be leftover period stuff because I'm only on day 5.  Or it could be more scar tissue and I WILL HURT SOMEONE if we have to go into waiting mode again, have another surgery, etc.  Of course we want to optimize the uterine environment, but what about optimizing my sanity?  If I lose it, I'm blaming it all on my ute.  

The plan for now it to continue with letrozole and have a hysteroscopy on Monday.  Depending on what we find then, we'll either try this cycle or not.  I'm not willing to admit we're out just yet.  I can't.  It would be one thing if I knew we'd only be knocked out one cycle, but my last surgery benched us for 3 or so.  My doctor is optimistic that it's nothing, but I'm freaking out, of course.

My lovely sister will have to drive my twilight-sedated body home from the procedure, the third time she's done this in the past few months.  My husband's schedule is really inflexible on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays and isn't jiving with my doctor's inflexible schedule.

Perhaps uterine water torture and iffy fertility-related news wasn't a good set-up for having lunch with a friend who is about 40 weeks pregnant.  Said friend is officially lapping me, or close to it, since I started trying when she was pregnant with her first.  Seeing her was actually not as difficult as I'd imagined (hadn't seen her in ages), but still stress-inducing because my prolonged torture session caused me to be late.  Way to force your very pregnant friend to wait around for you.  Yeah, I know.

Please send your healthy uterus vibes my way on Monday.  I mean, let's hope it's healthy already, and that we can see that it's healthy on Monday.

14 comments:

  1. Gooooooood lord... I'm sorry your uterus is being so uncooperative. I hope all goes well. And I completely understand that wanting to "Hurt people" after being put on hold. Ahhhhhh - I hate that. We've been on hold since Nov and I'm about ready to explode. Thinking of you :)

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  2. Sending you healthy uterus vibes!!! Sorry that things didn't go well today, hopefully it will look better on Monday!

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  3. Awww, shit. I'm so sorry. And I totally understand the freaking out about more delays - I had myself worked up just thinking about it this week. I feel like all we do is wait - wait for the next cycle to start, wait to see if a pregnancy is viable, wait for the miscarriage to start, wait to find out if we're going to have to wait some more. Not to mention the whole WAITING FOR OUR BABY TO ARRIVE thing. So, it goes without saying that I don't feel too bad for your 40-week preggo friend waiting for lunch. Sorry, feeling salty today :) Hope good news is waiting for you Monday.

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    1. I know. I was going to write a Groundhog Day movie-themed post about how it seems like I'm living the same day over and over again. WAITING. UGH.

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  4. God I haven't had all the issues you have had with your ute, but it sure has been a pain lately. I also had surgery and was benched for two extra months. It ended up being good for me, but I was super upset when I found out my Meryl Streep uterus was behaving like a KStew. Even though I admit to liking the Twilights.
    Hang in there and I pray everything looks okay during your next peek!

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    1. I like the Twilights, too! Thanks.

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    2. BTW, I didn't change my MissConception blog - the other one you visited (Long Time Coming) is my personal blog. I don't post much about Infertility on that one since it's open to most of my friends and family. you are welcome to follow, I just dont' post that often on there. It's a little confusing, but I like to keep things separate.

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  5. Wow lady. That just sucks. I'm sorry today was so torturous. I'm hoping that you have good news on Monday (including high fives from the doc). In the meantime, wishing you a peaceful weekend and sending you a hug.

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  6. Just started following this blog! (I'm also on my Day 5 and also playing the waiting game, up in Toronto). Definitely thinking good ute thoughts for you this weekend... and for what it's worth, KStew might actually get decent reviews for her upcoming performance in Snow White. Miracles can happen!

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    1. Hi, thanks for following me! Sorry you're playing the stupid waiting game, too. It's the pits.

      I'm pulling for KStew in Snow White!

      Thanks for all the support, everyone.

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  7. Sending you healthy uterus thoughts this weekend!

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  8. Wow that just bites. I hate Endo and I hate what it does to our bodies. I'm hoping that they tell you good news on Monday.

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  9. Uuugh your damn ute! I want to show it who's boss! I am so sorry. Sending you big, big hugs and crossing fingers for Monday.

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  10. Oh Hun! I hope things turn around for you and your next test passes with flying colours!!

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